Now that I'm not hugging the toilet bowl every couple of hours, I've been able to work up at the ranch more than just one or two days a week. Of course my doctor doesn't know this. She thinks I quit working there months ago. She seems convinced that every horse on the ranch now has one main goal: to kick me in the abdomen and dislodge my placenta. Yes, she actually voiced that concern.
Anyway, today I heard something interesting. A guest, who happens to be pregnant with her second child, was asking about my job and my pregnancy. Somewhere in the conversation I brought up that I like to scuba dive. I patted my belly and said, "Yeah, but my diving days are over for the next few months." At which point she interjected, "I hate to break it to you, but your diving days are over for good. You don't realize it yet, but life as you know it is pretty much over."
Wow. I heard once that being a mom means not sleeping when you're tired, not eating when you're hungry, basically not resting when you're weary. Perhaps this dreary view of parenthood is why I have abhorred the idea of being a mother for so long. I've watched friends and acquaintances get married, have kids, and disappear. Where do they go? Who knows, it's like their house eats them and the only time they are "seen" is through Facebook or other social media sites. I know so many haole families here in Hawaii who are white as ghosts because taking the kids to the beach or the park or even letting them play outside is "just too hard". Obviously Cami didn't get that memo. I've been told I should just throw away all of my size 4 clothes because after being pregnant and putting on weight I'll never be able to fit into them again. Don't tell Shiloh that after seven kids she's supposed to be an XXL. I've also been told that I'll never race again because when you have small children, you will always be "too tired" to exercise or run. I guess Cali will have to find a new hobby.
I don't mind being told that my life is about to change (and if I had a quarter for every time someone told me that I'd be very wealthy),but I do take issue with being told that my life is over. Why does it have to end? Why can't I have it all? Why can't I hire a sitter and go diving with Ryan one afternoon? I am opposed to the idea of children being raised by nannies or sitters, I believe that children should be raised by their parents. But what if I don't want to be a stay-at-home mom? Is there something wrong with working on Ryan's days off? Or before Ryan's shift? Is there something inherently selfish about being a working woman and enjoying it?
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I refuse to live it. I will not lose my identity just because I become a mother. I will not give up my dreams, ambitions, and desires just because there are children to look after. I will continue my education and I will build a strong successful career. I will not stop hiking or running or diving or going to the beach just because there are kids in tow. I will not sink into oblivion.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Oblivion
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
Sorry Skye, There is no hope for you! As you have probably learned from your mother and your sisters you are going to sit on your bum all day long,(when you are not feeding your children, changing their diapers and cleaningup after them), eat until you weigh 300 lbs. and never fix your hair or put on make-up again. You will wear baggy ugly clothes, flip flops and holy tennis shoes. (Forget about stilettos, we know mom's never wear those).
Okay... I am probably going to offend some people here, but I feel that women who make those kinds of blanket statements are lazy, sad cases who do not have the initiative to get up off of their duffs and go out and live life, both for themselves and for their family.
(I am in 54, scuba dive and still wear stilletos!)
It's okay Skye. Even our family tells me that when I have children I will cease to clean my house every morning and keep it clean. That I will live in a sty against my will and it will be all I can do to get my dishes done before there is a second pile just as high as the first. But I happen to know That there are three houses on my block with toddlers that manage to keep their houses cleaner than mine. So if they can do it, I can too.
P.S. you should really look into freelance journalism, you are a fantastic writer.
One of the best gifts you can give your children is to show them how to live life. When I exercise my kids come with me, they play, or they sit and watch. But I do it regardless. I keep up my own hobbies and interests and it shows them that life is fun when your grown up~ and keep getting presents at Christmas. Kids worry about growing up and not getting presents!!!!
Hillary get over yourself!!! No one said you'd "live in a sty against your will." All we said was that it would be more of a struggle to find the time (and energy) to keep a spotless house. I mean let's face it, I was once a neat freak and although there are toys and clutter and a few dishes are you saying I live in a sty?
As for Skye, I'm not sure why anyone would listen to such an outrageous statement. You're much too timid. I think I'd have said to the woman, "What is there a law saying moms can't scuba dive?" People told me all sorts of stuff I "wouldn't" do after I had kids and of course it's not true. You just adjust and learn to incorporate kids or find sitters.
The truth is I'm with mom. I think people are just lazy. People told me I'd never travel again after kids. I think those people are just too lazy to travel WITH kids. Yeah, it's a little tougher in some ways, but why would I miss out on taking my children fun and exciting places?
The truth is there are a million other examples I could give you and it wouldn't matter. The fact is that people are thoughtless. They don't mean to be cruel or malicious but they look only at their own experiences and group everyone into the same category. If a woman chooses to get "swallowed up" by marriage or motherhood, or whatever, that's exactly what it is, a CHOICE. So make your choice now what kind of mom you want to be, and don't be afraid to borrow my favorite line and tell people to "jump in the lake" now and then.
Geez! In high school you certainly weren't afraid to stand up to people. What happened to your backbone?
Okay that last comment was me. Mom must have been logged in on my computer. Sorry.
Cali- I just don't find stupid people to be worth my time anymore. I argued with them in high school because I couldn't see further than that. I now know that it is wasted effort to try to make my point to a nonentity that I won't be thinking about and no one else will care about in a year.
Post a Comment