I must be a bad wife. Today on Facebook a friend asked the question, "How do you help your husband feel loved after you have a baby?" Compounding the oddness of this question was the fact that she had just given birth to her fourth child. I was so tempted to respond, "You don't", but I didn't. It made me think though, was I unaware that I had an obligation to make my husband "feel loved"? To be honest, my husband was not at the forefront of my mind those first few weeks (truly months) after I gave birth. What was? Pain. Lots of it. I was a first time nursing mother with a baby that never really learned to latch on properly (nursing brought its own pain for the first three weeks). Depression, mostly due to hormones. No clothes that fit properly. A body that couldn't perform simple tasks or function properly. And a baby to take care of. I just assumed my husband was a grown man (he was 29) and understood that I was under a lot of stress at that time. Did I neglect him?
After seeing my friend's post I asked Ryan if there was ever a time after Reagan was born that he felt neglected or unloved. I let him know that I was sorry if he ever felt that way. He looked confused and said, "No. That was my job, to help you feel loved after you had a baby. You were dealing with a lot."
Either I am an extremely selfish person or I have the best husband ever. Or both ;-)
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6 comments:
Wow, you should make him cookies or brownies or something for a fabulous answer like that! You do have the best husband ever!*except for your father. :-)
We must be related because as as soon as I read her question I thought "make him feel loved? Whatever! Did he not just see what I went through to bring this precious piece of him into this world? He's suppose to make me feel loved." Jake would agree with us. We have the best husbands.
I totally agree with with both of you, and so would Kelly. He was so grateful and supportive. He better be. I was herding cows with her on my front at a month old. That better be considered love.
Interesting. I'm glad that your husbands are sufficiently selfless. In fact, I believe that most husbands are but I fail to see what is wrong with the wife continuing to try to show her husband, albeit in small ways, that he is not forgotten and that she still loves him. Perhaps I am misunderstanding but I think you're friend asked a very insightful question. Sure, hubby's not number one for a short while after the baby's born but why should that mean a wife shouldn't show him he's loved?
I think my girls not only show their husbands that they love them everyday, they also express their love verbally to them. Whether it's herding cows or cleaning toilets, we do it all out of love and to show our love (Well, and to have good hygiene too. :-) As a family we tried to raise our children to serve others. You grow to love someone even more by the service you render them. So for some of us more pragmatic people, to actually stop and question "What am I doing to show my husband I love him?..." seems a little redundant when what we do as wives and mothers every day of our lives is for that very purpose.
Tyson, thanks for leaving a comment. I agree that my friend's question was very insightful. It made me think about something that I had not thought about before. The intention of my post was not to mock my friend or her husband, but rather to poke fun at my own shortcomings and somehow make light of my thoughtlessness. It had never occurred to me to stop and think of my husband's needs so the question seemed odd to me (not wrong, just odd).
As far as the "selflessness" of my husband is concerned - I often find myself frustrated by the male and female stereotypes pushed by society: men are simple and women are complicated. However, when it comes to feelings and emotions my husband is the stereotype. He's a simple man with simple feelings, it doesn't take much to make him happy or feel loved (both a blessing and a curse).
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